


stay

by casstastrophe



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bokuaka - Freeform, Break Up, Conversations, Hurt, M/M, friends?, stay friends after break up talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:35:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26745250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casstastrophe/pseuds/casstastrophe
Summary: Akaashi doesn't see the point in staying friends after breaking up. Bokuto thinks it's nice to stay friends afterwards. This: is that conversation.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Kudos: 22





	stay

**Author's Note:**

> i dont think ive written any fluff on this account help me anyways enjoy ??

“Akaashi, let’s stay friends!” 

There’s no doubt in Akaashi’s mind that his answer would have been “Of course, Bokuto-san.” in any other situation.

“Friends, alright?” Bokuto says, puffed eyes from the night before, wearing a conflicted smile on his face, and holding a box of his things as he leaves Akaashi’s apartment.

But this wasn’t just any other situation.

Oh, the struggles of staying “friends” with an ex. Akaashi fortunately never had to experience this, always cutting them off after. However, Bokuto claims to be “the expert of staying friends with exes.” 

Bokuto and Akaashi laid on their sofa at midnight, Bokuto’s head on Akaashi’s lap while the TV quietly played in the background. 

Akaashi’s face stuck to his phone, hand occasionally taking popcorn from the bowl laying on Bokuto’s stomach. Light illuminated his face and his tired eyes which noticed Bokuto staring at him from below. 

Furrowed eyebrows and a small pout visible on his face, eyes darting to and from each of Akaashi’s features as if there’s something more to see than what’s in front of him.

Before Akaashi could ask, Bokuto spoke, a question coming out of his mouth--a question Akaashi didn’t think they’d have to discuss after all these years. 

“Kaashi, you’d stay friends with me if we broke up, right?” popping popcorn in his mouth as Akaashi turned off his phone to lay a hand on Bokuto’s head. 

“But we won’t.” Akaashi blinked, seeing no point to this question that he hated talking about in the first place. 

Bokuto pouted, more obvious this time. “Hypothetically! If we did, would you?” 

“Bokuto-san, why are you asking?” He picked his phone back up again, a sort of shield for the topic he wants so badly to avoid. 

“I don’t know…” Used to Akaashi’s tactics, his hand moved on its own, taking Akaashi’s phone from him and placing it on the table. “I guess, I just don’t wanna lose you.” 

“Do you think we’ll break up?” A blank face and a monotone voice yet Bokuto sensed the concern. 

“No, of course not. I don’t think that way, Kaashi! I just wouldn’t wanna lose you in any way, and worst-case scenario thoughts flew into my mind.” Bokuto rolled over on his stomach, elbows now puncturing the sofa cushions, palms underneath his chin as he waited for Akaashi to respond.

“You won’t lose me, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi provided reassurance that Bokuto didn’t need, but nonetheless, appreciated. 

“I know! But, you’re avoiding the question.”

“No.”

“Yes, you are!”

“No Bokuto-san, I mean, no, I won’t stay friends with you.”

Bokuto sat up, genuinely confused. “What? Why not? I’m the coolest person in the universe, why wouldn’t you wanna stay friends?”

Akaashi smiled softly, “You are very cool, but I don’t see the point.”

“What do you mean?” Bokuto went underneath the blanket that laid on Akaashi’s shoulders. 

Akaashi brought his knees to his chest, transferring the popcorn onto the table. “I just don’t see the point. You’ve spent too much time with them being extremely vulnerable, I don’t believe it’s possible to stay ‘friends’.” 

“So, you’ll just act like we never knew each other?” Bokuto unintentionally giving him puppy eyes.

“I guess so.” He fiddled with his fingers, “Would you rather we stay friends?”

Bokuto jumped at the opportunity to ramble all about how he was the expert in staying friends with exes. “Of course!”

Unfortunately, Akaashi’s been a victim to seeing evidence of this. As jealous as he gets, he knows Bokuto has no intention or more-than-platonic feelings for any of them, so he doesn’t say anything. Plus, Bokuto enjoys having lots of friends, he won’t strip him away of that. 

Genuinely curious, Akaashi asks, “But why do you do it?”

And genuinely confused as to why Akaashi doesn’t understand, Bokuto asks another question, “When you loved someone so much, why would you suddenly pretend nothing ever happened?”

“Because you don’t anymore. Love them, I mean.” 

And that’s all Akaashi believed. If you’re willingly letting go of a person in a certain way, why keep them with you in any other way? This was clear cut to him until Bokuto spoke once more.

“But, Kaashi, you did. At least once, you loved them enough to trust them with your heart.”

Akaashi laid his head on the sofa, turning right to look at Bokuto, “... But if we were breaking up, then maybe I shouldn’t have.”

They never reached the conclusion to that conversation. No one asked more questions, no one brought up any more points. They just kept the last few sentences to resonate in their heads, quietly going back to what they were doing beforehand. 

“Why are we talking about this? We won’t need to decide on that, anyways.” Akaashi plants a soft and quick kiss on Bokuto’s pouting lips. 

And as Bokuto stands in front of Akaashi’s door, taking a couple of steps away instead of towards it while asking Akaashi to stay friends, they wish they did. 

“Friends, alright?” Bokuto waited for an answer, tolerating the weight of the box labeled “Bokuto Koutarou.” He watches Akaashi in front of him, his hand on the doorframe, seemingly ready to close it. 

From where they left off, they both knew what each other originally hoped for, if this ever happened. But, one of them, Bokuto more than Akaashi, secretly wished the points they made could’ve changed their mind.

“Hey, Kaash.” He bumped Akaashi’s arm with his elbow, trying to get his attention. “Kaashi, come on.” 

Akaashi couldn’t look. His eyes stuck to the floor as the boy in front of him, who sported the most pained smile, asked him to stay friends. 

“Kaashi, please look at me…” 

But how could he ignore his voice--the voice he won’t be hearing in the morning now, the one thing that seemed to brighten up his day during days they spent apart. So, he looked. 

He looked and he wishes he hadn’t. 

Bokuto smiled, a weak curve on the edges of his lips--nothing like the smile Akaashi was so used to seeing. 

“Friends? Right?” The smile had faded even more, almost as if he’s slowly giving up.

And as many words as there were on the tip of Akaashi’s tongue, none of them slipped out. 

To Bokuto, silence was a response. “No? Is it because you don’t love me anymore?” 

“Bokuto-san…” 

“Kaashi, I'm the expert of staying friends with exes. Don't break my streak!" Bokuto chuckled, his nose and the underneath of his eyes now had a darker shade of red.   
The universe always lined things up perfectly for them like a life plan, filled with convenience, made by destiny where they were always meant to find each other--things came so naturally. This was the only time Akaashi had to really try and find words to say. 

“Isn’t it painful?”

“What is?” Bokuto responded quickly as if he was anticipating Akaashi’s voice. 

“Knowing how it is to love someone and be loved by them yet keep them in your life even after knowing you won’t experience it again? Isn’t it painful?” 

“I-I don’t think so. I’ve never felt like that with my exes before.” 

“Really?”

“Well, I don’t think I ever really loved anyone until you.” 

“So, won’t it be painful?”

“Unbearably so.” 

“And you’d still want me there?”

“I don’t care that I’m single again, I’m not scared to lose a partner. I’m scared to lose you. Just… you as a person, as my best friend, as someone I considered my world. I loved you, Keiji.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have.”

“But I did. I can’t just pretend I didn’t give myself up to you.”

“...” 

And as Akaashi looked at Bokuto, swollen eyes, and that pained smile, he took a box in his arms and walks past Bokuto. No matter how painful it will be to see him and not be able to love him, living without him is a pain he’d rather not imagine. 

“Kaashi, those are one of my boxes, what are you doing?” 

Akaashi turns around to face Bokuto. “Friends?”

Matching pained smiles and broken hearts who know they have no choice, look at each other.

“Friends.”

**Author's Note:**

> i honestly dont wish to be perceived <3 
> 
> i hope u enjoyed ily


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